random anxieties of existence

Sometimes the latest theories about "who Jesus was" or "what he did" sound more like Enquirer stories than anything remotely resembling history. In my mind they appear much like the following:   (Note: neither of these are actual Enquirer covers - I modified them to make a point)

so this is what we wanted to prove Jesus through our intellect to show that He met up to our standards of historical science we tried to have God on our own terms then we realized that history is not a science and neither is science because we are not scientific and neither is God -------------------- but by then it was too late we already had the Jesus seminar and the historical Jesus movement which were essentially glorified predecesors to the Da Vinci Code historical fictions without the history as if such a history would satisfy our souls were it even possible ---------- ---------- we wanted a personal Jesus no, I wanted a personal Jesus not you, not we, because there is no 'we' we, i mean i, cannot prove a 'we' and yet i write to you who isn't because i don't know you scientifically, that is ---------- ---------- and so i want a personal relationship with Christ my Jesus, my way my documents, my pictures, my videos or at mcdonalds my fries, my dr...

One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them. The LORD said to Satan, "Where have you come from?" Satan answered the LORD, "From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it." Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face." The LORD said to Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger." Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.  (Job 1:6- 12) ...

Something to think about: "You think you've figured something out? You run over here all pleased with yourself because you changed your mind? Now you're certain? Hal, you don't know anything The book, the math, the dates, the writing, all that stuff you just decided with your buddies, it's just evidence. It doesn't prove anything." "OK, what would?" "Nothing. You should've trusted me." -from the movie Proof (2005)

Secrecy and silence is often the best to express oneself. Kierkegaard wrote Fear and Trembling under the psudeonym Johanne de Silentio . He wrote as a poet, as one who claimed to have no faith, writingabout faith. He used the old Socratic technique of claiming ignorance. Ignorance is always safe to claim. Usually it's the one thing we're right about. It often seems as though speaking from the silence of the grave is often the only expression one gets. Think of the Count of Monte Cristo, who was only free to live his life and get his bitter-sweet revenge after he was considered dead. Think also of Huck Finn, who killed a pig and spread its blood on the floor, making it look as though robbers had killed him in order to begin a new life away from his psycho father. I would prefer to speak while alive. I would prefer to live my life while alive, and not wait until after death to live. I have much better things to be doing when I'm dead.