Skip to main content

my Jesus

so this is what we wanted to prove Jesus through our intellect to show that He met up to our standards of historical science we tried to have God on our own terms then we realized that history is not a science and neither is science because we are not scientific and neither is God

--------------------

but by then it was too late we already had the Jesus seminar and the historical Jesus movement which were essentially glorified predecesors to the Da Vinci Code historical fictions without the history as if such a history would satisfy our souls were it even possible

--------------------

we wanted a personal Jesus no, I wanted a personal Jesus not you, not we, because there is no 'we' we, i mean i, cannot prove a 'we' and yet i write to you who isn't because i don't know you scientifically, that is

--------------------

and so i want a personal relationship with Christ my Jesus, my way my documents, my pictures, my videos or at mcdonalds my fries, my drink, my shake my forbidden fruit my Jesus, my homeboy

--------------------

maybe if He's really mine maybe if he's really mine i don't need him to be Other after all, i can't prove the Other scientifically

--------------------

so he is a god, is he? but he's my god because i have a personal relationship with him just me and i can prove him scientifically i mean historically it doesn't really matter my intellect, my way he was a man like me i showed you that or at least i showed me that historically scientifically

--------------------

our stars, our gods they're not so shiny they're not so holy they fall, like you and me they die, like you and me he died, like you and me he fell, like you and me

or like me i think because i don't know you or he just me scientifically, that is

--------------------

we're really all the same if there were a we because all of you all of he is really me we all fall i fell

--------------------

maybe we're all gods maybe i'm a god, i mean maybe i'm the God 50 cent is my god because he makes me feel like God at least he admits he's fallen the rest i have to drag down oh, they'll fall eventually, obviously they'll die but not fast enough for me

--------------------

the deader they are, the more alive i feel the faster they fall, the more god-like i feel

--------------------

i am what i am sounds familiar isn't that from the bible somewhere? it must've been talking about me after all, it's only a book i could write a book i practically wrote it myself that's what my history says

--------------------

so i can't get away from you whoever you is my fear is that you are an indication of a He but maybe if i pretend that you are not an indication but He, but he then i can pretend that i, too am He, am he

--------------------

then we can rejoice in our humanity

and sing hosannas to ourselves until we fall, until we die until i fall, until i die

--------------------

my reoccuring nightmare, though my only dream is that when i fall, when i die, there will be a He a He that died for my fall but a He that rose again historically scientifically for me but...

Comments

wow.... no words can describe how i feel after this blog. i want my kids to read it. i love what you did with the Enquirer magazines but it nearly made me cry. perhaps you could publish these things keitih? my favourite line in your poem/prose:
then we can rejoice in our humanity

and sing hosannas to ourselves

until we fall, until we die

until i fall, until i die

so achingly true. thank you for writing this! e.
Darcie Dow said…
When you write posts like this I always hesitate to comment because I know they contain much more than I am able to pull out of them. But this was so beautiful it required a response - some recognition for the message you're communicating. I've heard you talk about "my Jesus" before - I was thinking about it on my walk home from school yesterday, actually. We can't own him, we can't be territorial about him. We can't put Him in a box - poke at Him - examine Him and explain Him. If we dissected Him we'd never find a part that was scientifically God. And yet we try. We're a foolish little people.
.a. said…
Hi =)

I really don't feel intelligent enough (usually) to post a comment on your blogs, but this one is way to important and amazing, thanks for writing it and making me think.
Take Care,
A.
Anonymous said…
wow again... just wow. and how thankful i am that at least we can have the security of BELONGING to the only, amazingly incomprehensible & 'holy'/Other God - secure in him, even though His greatness constantly swells beyond our imagination's capability! secure in the wonder-full One, found in the Unseen's loving gaze, and adopted into His eternal family because of His unbelievable goodness...

too many emotions (mostly gratitude the He has it all figured out, and my tiny life as well!) to jot down except to say life with such a God is never dull! ;)

Popular posts from this blog

smelly things

remember those scratch-and-sniff things? of course they still exist, but i haven't smelled one in a while. now all we have are those horrid cardboard car scents: those leaves of aesthetic tragedy. the one i'm thinking of has a strawberry scent. it might have been strawberry shortcake - that little red-headed girl with strawberries painted all over her ginormous hat, a hat ten times the size of her head. this reminds me of those markers you can buy that smell, too, often like berries of some sort. i can remember the blueberry ones the best. which scents do you remember?  when Jodi and i (and sometimes Justin, Dan, Kaia or some other participant) would take empty milk jugs and stealthily place them on Mark Vust's doorstep (our Resident Director), i would sometimes smell the rotting milk. it didn't smell good. i'll give you that. but it was certainly a powerful scent. smelling things reminds me of how much i love life. like when i'm in a forest ...

Bye-bye Bible

Perhaps we should all be Jedi Knights. Their principle of non-attachment, which is strikingly like the Buddha's attempt to rid himself of earthly desires, is very appealing. "We will have to find out the cause of sorrow and the way to escape from it. The desire for sensual enjoyment and clinging to earthly life is the cause of sorrow. If we can eradicate desire, all sorrows and pains will come to an end." This makes a lot of sense. Actually, it makes perfect sense. He is right. It can be scary admitting Buddha is right, because what if he's right about everything? Well, even in this case, perhaps he is only right insofar as what he says is true. Does that mean his route is the best path to take on the proverbial road to enlightenment? Right now it might appear that way. You see, I realized recently that I became very attached to something I owned. It's my Bible. Or, was my Bible. (Give me a moment to regain my composure...) I had my NIV study Bible for at least ...

faith-full eyes

faith is a passionate intuition -william wordsworth   as a child i was a master lego-builder. this was back in the day when one could take pride in constructing a lego masterpiece, before all of this "put these three pieces together and you have the entire star wars trilogy." no, sirree, this was manual labour. as the foreman of my building project, i grew very attuned to my materials. i would train my eyes to only see the colour i was looking for, whatever the colour may be. sure, it would still take me a while to find the piece i was looking for, but when it was in my field of vision it would jump out at me because of my expectation of it. to the pure, all things are pure -titus 1.15 .  if you truly desire to see God’s beautiful tapestry being woven in your life, then see it. it is there. we’re not talking about believing in aliens here. the reason we are able to have faith is because, consciously or unconsciously, we have encountered the substantiation of God...