as an unperfect actor on the stage,
who with his fear is put besides his part,
or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart;
so I, for fear of trust, forget to say
the perfect ceremony of love's rite,
and in mine own love's strength seem to decay,
o'ercharged with burden of mine own love's might
-shakespeare
(from sonnet xxiii)
to
me, girls are an elusive mystery yet a close perplexity, a distant
illusion yet an obvious reality. in the Return of the King, Aragorn
tells Eowyn, "It is but a shadow and a thought that you love."
generally i am not in favour of quoting mushy movie lines, but
unfortunately this one caught my ear and resonated too loudly in my
mind.
i'm caught at a seemingly impassable fork in the road when it comes to the more-attractive half of humanity. on one hand stands the idealistic proverbs 31 babe. she is beautiful in heart, soul, mind and strength. her heart is devoted to loving others; especially God, those who are hurting, and yours truly. her soul is steadfast and unwavering in the things of the Lord, yet down-to-earth, aware of her own frailty and never condescending or arrogant. her mind is inquisitive, pondering the deeper matters of life and soaking in the beauty of God's wisdom, yet never letting such thoughts keep her from love or faith. her strength is spent selflessly, caring for her family, the church, and for the less-fortunate. essentially, she is perfection incarnate.
on the other hand, sometimes none of this seems to matter much. instead, what matters is to have someone who is here, who is real, and who cares for me as i care for her. someone who has flaws that teach me grace, struggles to teach me encouragement, and tears which i can dry. someone to fight through the darker side of life with and with whom to fly hand-in-hand through the rays of God's blessing. someone whose hurts echo mine and mine hers. someone to fight for and who wants me to fight for her; a companion with whom to open this gift of life, to investigate the mystery of redemption, and to swim in the ocean of Christ's love. someone who is frail and weak like me, small and cosmically insignificant like me, and a treasure in a clay pot like me.
the two paths appear exclusive in my mind. if a girl is the first, then I don't really know her. if i only seek the second, perhaps i am settling for second-best. must i be rid of the Idea? or should i keep my eyes on this shadow, this thought, so as to recognize the reality when i may? will i ever be ready to accept the reality and forfeit the thought? is there any substance to this shadow or is she an illusion, quietly slipping away through the night as i turn my light upon her?
in the end, it is only my Father who knows the answers to these questions. i must trust His hand. i have wondered at times if He keeps this reality from me, preserving a quiet longing and pain which, like a thorn in the flesh, keeps fulfillment from me so that i must perpetually be broken before Him and thirsting for the Living Water rather than for the simple streams of this life. i hope this is not so. i would prefer to inspire the saints with an overflow of love springing from the blessings i have received from His hand. either way, let it not be my will but Thine that is done, and may i have the strength to embrace Thy will as it is done.
i'm caught at a seemingly impassable fork in the road when it comes to the more-attractive half of humanity. on one hand stands the idealistic proverbs 31 babe. she is beautiful in heart, soul, mind and strength. her heart is devoted to loving others; especially God, those who are hurting, and yours truly. her soul is steadfast and unwavering in the things of the Lord, yet down-to-earth, aware of her own frailty and never condescending or arrogant. her mind is inquisitive, pondering the deeper matters of life and soaking in the beauty of God's wisdom, yet never letting such thoughts keep her from love or faith. her strength is spent selflessly, caring for her family, the church, and for the less-fortunate. essentially, she is perfection incarnate.
on the other hand, sometimes none of this seems to matter much. instead, what matters is to have someone who is here, who is real, and who cares for me as i care for her. someone who has flaws that teach me grace, struggles to teach me encouragement, and tears which i can dry. someone to fight through the darker side of life with and with whom to fly hand-in-hand through the rays of God's blessing. someone whose hurts echo mine and mine hers. someone to fight for and who wants me to fight for her; a companion with whom to open this gift of life, to investigate the mystery of redemption, and to swim in the ocean of Christ's love. someone who is frail and weak like me, small and cosmically insignificant like me, and a treasure in a clay pot like me.
the two paths appear exclusive in my mind. if a girl is the first, then I don't really know her. if i only seek the second, perhaps i am settling for second-best. must i be rid of the Idea? or should i keep my eyes on this shadow, this thought, so as to recognize the reality when i may? will i ever be ready to accept the reality and forfeit the thought? is there any substance to this shadow or is she an illusion, quietly slipping away through the night as i turn my light upon her?
in the end, it is only my Father who knows the answers to these questions. i must trust His hand. i have wondered at times if He keeps this reality from me, preserving a quiet longing and pain which, like a thorn in the flesh, keeps fulfillment from me so that i must perpetually be broken before Him and thirsting for the Living Water rather than for the simple streams of this life. i hope this is not so. i would prefer to inspire the saints with an overflow of love springing from the blessings i have received from His hand. either way, let it not be my will but Thine that is done, and may i have the strength to embrace Thy will as it is done.
3 comments:
I have to believe that the two paths are not exclusive. If they are, then I have no hope of becoming "a wife of noble character". I have had hurts and am imperfect. I am like the second girl you described but want with my whole heart to be like the first. Can it be done?
What you seek exists only in thought presently, but can be found to exist in the future. The woman described in Proverbs 31 most certainly was not always the way she is described (as the two previous comments make clear). However, in the same way that we all alike strive to be more in the likeness of Christ, so the woman of Proverbs 31 takes shape as well. 'We are not what we will yet be' is how Karl Barth would say it (I REALLY like him). All this to say perfection is an impossibility existentially, but always a possibility in light of the 'futurum resurrectionis' (more Barth stuff). If you don't understand me, read Barth, then you'll get it.
P.S. This doesn't mean you would be "settling" for second best when you find a girl unlike the one of Proverbs 31. The idea is to find one who is striving to reach that goal in the same way you are striving to be the best man you can be.
Peace Out,
G
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